FarHaven
by FarHavenExpress
Summary: RWBY stories, but with alot of bullsh3t, just read.
1. Bully gets curve stomped

Bully gets curve stomped

* * *

Hey guys this is Farhaven here. And today I am going to tell you about how Winchester got hammered. It was morning in the Academy when I woke up in bed. Yup, it was a typical morning to be exact with the sunrays hitting my face through the window. I was tired of the bullshit that happened last night with my broken scroll malfunctioning all of a sudden. I needed to get it fixed.

So anyway these past few days I was hanging out with my good friend Cardin. Now Cardin is known as a bully in the school towards weaker people and faunus. Now I know what you would say, "F-FarHaven! What!? You cannot be friends with a bully, because that would mean that you're a bully as well as a racist and, uh, GO KILL YOURSELF!"

Alright for one thing I ain't no bully, secondly the only reason why I'm friends with Cardin is because his family is load- I mean because he's a generously awesome person…..yeah.

IT IS DEFINITELY NOT ABOUT HIS WALLET!

I admit besides being a bully, Cardin was actually a nice guy. He treated his team fairly and even help me with my homework. Hell one time the so called 'Badass' was cooking breakfast for me one time when I visited his dorm room. The racist man in an apron that said' Best Student' had me gagging.

Anyway today was a good day. I know because I had a feeling that I am going to feel some positive vibes today. Getting off of bed, I showered, got dressed and went to the cafeteria. It was morning and tables were already started to fill up with students.

I got my food and sat next to Cardin who nodded at me. We started talking about the assignment our speedy energized teacher gave us last yesterday when suddenly…..she came in.

* * *

Going through the cafeteria door was Velvet Scarlatina, a Rabbit faunus. She looked nervous as she passed by the lunch tables to get to the food line.

I didn't know much about her, but seeing how she moved between people it was easy to tell that she was shy.

Cardin noticed that my attention was somewhere else and saw that my attention was on the bunny girl.

My good old friend scowled before giving a smug ass smirk.

"Watch this." He nudged my side before getting up and started walking towards velvet. A few eyes wandered over where the school bully was going. Upon seeing that he was heading towards velvet there were a few head shakes and some scowls.

* * *

Velvet yelped as she felt someone grab onto her bunny ears. Cardin sneered at velvet as he had a good grip on the freak's bunny ears before tugging.

I saw tears already appearing in her eyes,

"P-Please let go, y-you're hurting me." Velvet whimpered.

Cardin ignored her and even had the gall to laugh at her teary face.

I actually felt bad. When Cardin usually bully's someone I am not there to witness anything, but seeing the sexy, um, I mean, uh, innocent bunny girl getting hurt had something spurring inside me.

A mix between guilt and pity.

I'll be honest I do not hate faunus. I mean animal features on human, that is cool as fuck like really being able to see through the dark to having a crazy ability like breathing underwater is pretty cool.

I know I was in for a mouthful when I walked up to Cardin. I ignored as the noisy people quieted down upon someone approaching the bully.

I felt a few eyes land on me as I forced Cardin's hands off Velvet.

A sneer and a thankful expression were the responses to me.

"Come on Cardin, just leave her alone aright. Don't ruin my breakfast time with your racist ass like holy shit. You ruined the whole morning for me, just wanted to eat pancakes with my best bud whose acting like a complete jackass now."

Cardin however was feeling a little smug and ignored me in favor of reaching towards velvet again, no doubt to make her cry again.

I pulled Velvet away from his reach and placed her behind me with rolled eyes.

"NORA SMASH!" Then suddenly a gigantic hammer flew from nowhere and crashed into Cardin like WHAT THE FUCK!

DID I JUST WITNESS A MURDER JUST NOW!?

It was silent.

A clap was heard before a few more claps joined in, the applause grew louder and louder.

Everyone in the cafeteria who was bullied by Cardin in the past, whooped in joy. People came up to me and patted my back saying how nice it was to see someone stick up for a fellow student and stand up against the known bully.

I was dumbstruck as I just stood there, looking at Cardin's unconscious body as Nora picked up her hammer with a satisfied look, before leaving she kicked the down Cardin a few times before Ren pulled her away.

Ren gave a nod of respect towards me, the fact that the silent boy showed respect to a scrub like me was amazing. I was fucking pleased.

In the end Velvet and I became friends as I ate my breakfast with her at the table near the others.

Sadly, however nobody bothered to help bring Cardin to the nurse's office.

And that my friends is how Cardin got curve stomped. Thank you guys for reading my boring story.

Also If at least one of you follow this story I will kick Cardin's unconscious body for fun.

Yay and uh yeah that is it…..Goodbye….. :3


	2. How to get a girl!

How to pick up girls!

* * *

Hey guys. what is up. It is I Farhaven here back to give you another story. So today I am going to tell you the story of how Jaune Arc taught me how to pick up girls. Yeah, you heard me all right.

How. To. Pick. Up. Girls. By Jaune Arc who is known as the dorky knight of the group or as Weiss likes to call him the 'Blonde Dunce'…. right next to Yang of course.

Yang is definitely a dunce brain-headed girl.

Also Yang if you're hearing this and getting ready to beat me up, listen up because those were the ice queen's words! Not mine! I swear to Oum if someone writes a review like, "You're the dunce! I love Yang. She is bae and how DARE you make fun of my waifu you MOTHER-FUC…"

Alright for one, you need to calm the hell down. And secondly why the hell am I talking about Yang while this story is on the homie Jaune Arc. Well let's get right into this retarded ass story, and now l-l-le-lee-lelelets begin.

* * *

It was during the weekend. I was chilling in my bedroom with my scroll out searching for some dank memes to enjoy. I like memes. They were short and funny to read.

Then suddenly *Whoosh*

My door slammed open as Jaune Arc confidently strolled in wearing his school uniform and winked at me. Yes guys! He actually winked at me ugh! I don't know what's happening but I just felt sexually violated.

He pointed his fingers at me and made a motion of a gun "Pew! Pew!" firing invisible bullets in the air with a grin, "It's time for us to get a girlfriend!"

…. What?

He was suddenly by my side, arm over my shoulder as he pressed his cheek against mine. Jaune waved his arm out, " It's time for us to get a girlfriend! Seriously FarHaven! We've been at Beacon for so long and I know that we're getting stronger by the minute!"

I looked at his noodle arms. Hmm. Progress sure wasn't on Jaune's side.

"It's time for us to get a girlfriend! I know you're shy, but do not worry! I'll show you the way on how to _sway_ a girl and have her fall for you. After all, my dad told me that woman liked confidence. Let me show you the ropes."

W-What no/ Why would I want to sway a girl? After all I still want to save my money!

I bet I'm going to get a comment from a girl like, "F-F-FarHaven! What does money have to do with this?! Are you saying that you need money to pick up girls! You animal! Sexist Pig!" then the female proceeds to report me on crimes I didn't commit. What the hell?

I meant when dating someone and taking them out you need a lot of money for that shit. Also I'm not even ready for a relationship yet.

* * *

Back to the story, Jaune Arc practically dragged me to Vale via bullhead. And by the way, after we landed on Vale's grounds, the bullhead rushed off into the sky. We were actually banned from that bullhead because Jaune thought he could handle his air-sickness, but no he couldn't and as a result he threw up over the pilot with the vomit coming out like a fucking volcano.

The pilot was pissed, and I gagged from the scene itself.

The stench was horrible and not welcomed to say the least.

We went to a nearby coffee shop. Jaune was looking around with the excitement of a child as he tried to scope out for any hot babes who would want to hang out with us. At our table, people passed by us both adults and teenagers, but Jaune only focused on the girls.

I ordered myself a coffee while I was there. As I was waiting for my coffee, Jaune nudged my side before he tilted his head to the front.

A girl was heading towards us. She was pretty alright with her makeup on with luscious long brown hair flowing behind her by a short breeze, a short skirt also with a loose gray shirt on.

She looked around our ages.

I watched as Jaune took out a comb and brushed his hair back as he stood up to fix his clothes before winking at me, "I'll show you how to get a girl. Just watch me and by the end of the day we will both get hot girlfriends!"

Jaune Arc man of the century walked up to the girl with confidence, his smile growing wide to the point that his shining teeth was on full display.

"My name is Jaune Arc, Short, sweet and rolls off the tongue and ladies love –" before Jaune could finish his sentence however *Bam* the girl span like a fucking twister and slapped Jaune to the other side of the street like WHAT!?

She huffed with her head held high and walked away.

I was just blinking at my place at the table. What the hell just happened? I watched as Jaune groaned as he pulled his body off the ground and walk back over to me. A red hand-mark imprinted on his face.

He looked kind of down for a moment before cheering up slightly for whatever fucking reason. He grinned at me before going into detail, "See FarHaven! I talked to the girl and she basically hit on me! I had her attention! Am I great or what?"

I was like, "Dude. Seriously? She just bitch slapped hurricane five you into the other side of the street. She's not interested."

Jaune was hesitant, I hope he realizes that no girl would fall for such a pick up line.

Too bad my hopes were fictional as reality dawned me the face of a smug blonde knight from team JNPR.

Why he was smug? Because the same girl was walking back to us.

Jaune whispered to me, "They always come back!" he was getting a little cocky I remind you guys but damn. I can't believe it actually worked.

Jaune raised his hand with a gentle-like smile but before he could say anything the girl did some ninja tactic and teleported behind Jaune as she kicked him in the BALLS FROM BEHIND!

We were also in public guys and a lot of people were watching us, people were recording us with their scrolls. Snickers, laughs and some with looks of sympathy greeted us.

It wasn't a good day for Jaune Arc my friends. Nope it wasn't.

I watched as the ladies' man himself slumped to the ground on his side, whimpering as he held his crotch. "W-Why?"

The girl didn't hesitate to jump upon him and release her feminine fury on the boy for no reason. I do not know what her problem is, but she had these mad eyes as she snarled after blow after blow.

I only had one thought in my mind, "Where the hell is the coffee I ordered earlier." It didn't even arrive, what the hell? I'm suing this place if I don't get my creamy warm coffee with whipped cream on the top!

So in short Jaune didn't get any girl that day and I didn't even try because like I said I am not interested in getting a relationship.

I remembered arriving at Beacon that night with an unconscious Jaune by my side. Arriving at the dorm room which his teammates were in. I explained what happened to him and why he was out there.

That red haired girl 'Papaya' or 'Pyr…is' anyway cereal girl had a worried face when she saw the damaged state of her leader.

When I explained that he was teaching me how to get girls and flirt with them well…. She did not take the news kindly.

Worry was soon replaced by a blank look with a twitching eyebrow.

She looked at Jaune with a stern expression, evil aura surrounding her that lit up the room.

She lifted a tightened fist in the air.

Bad timing for Jaune as he decided to wake up at that moment.

"Y-ou… flirted… with girls." Cereal girl muttered.

Ren and Nora quickly pulled me out of the room before they made a run for it with a panicked expression and being tired of all the bullshit I went to my dorm and slept, for some reason the next day a rumor was made about a girly scream that echoed the halls that night.

So yeah…. Jaune did not get a single girl to fall for him.

The End, I guess?

And that my friends is how Jaune actually taught me to never use pick-up lines on girls ever unless you want to turn into a human pretzel.

Also if you follow this story then congratulations you remain a healthy virgin with your balls still attached.

Yay and that is it folks, Goodbye now (I wuv you!)

By the way this is the part where you proceed to gag and turn green.

Well goodbye.


End file.
